Feels-ings About All of the Things

This was a tough week. The eighth week felt like it would go smoothly for me, I am on top of my work, and feel fairly at home in consulting, and then I got sick. I am sorry for missing my Tuesday and Thursday shifts. I realized that there is still a lot I have to learn about the writing center, like getting coverage and typical procedure for sickness, etc. My cohort members are extremely helpful, but they also just do the things for me and I have to learn what to do too.

With that aside the shift on Wednesday that I completed had a no show and no one else scheduled with me, so I don’t actually have any consultations to reflect on for this week. I look forward to continuing to figure out how grammar and directive/nondirective consulting works, but the readings about multilingual students this week has been lovely. Again, the readings were filled with helpful strategies and skills for both multi and monolingual students. It was nice to read texts that reinforced the things I started to do last week, and also nice to not be surprised by the myths in “Working with ESL Writers.” I agree with and understand all of the readings.

I am still working on how all of this factors into the 503 readings and conversations. So far the writing center has been nothing but good to me, and the students of Boise State. I am familiar with the day-to-day welcoming students into the center to sit down and make appointments, but I know I am not familiar with the behind the scenes things. You gave me a glimpse into the politics of our own writing center, but as I consider Madison planning on working in them and me wanting to during PhDs too I know how much more there is left to learn. I want to know the things so I can maintain positive writing centers in the future, in whatever capacity I am allowed to.

Being sick always brings out the misery in me. I was sick so much of last semester and being sick now makes me fear that it is related or that I will just stay sick again. It reminds me of how humans don’t always have a grasp of what is “normal” for them until it isn’t anymore. Somehow I find these ramblings related to privilege and race and the positioning of student support networks. I think about my goals and the future and past, and the field in English and English in the university and the university in the world. Everything is so subjective; I do not know how to talk about these places I exist in without talking about position and privilege. Also somehow this feels related to writing centers and North saying how slighted writing centers are and then that 503 reading saying we actually are capable and doing okay. Where do we find truth in all of this? With students in consultations, with departmental tensions, with administrators? I think that last thing I wrote is an intentional fragment, but cold medicine makes me foggy.

What all of these words can boil down to is I don’t know how to think about the things I know—or think I know. In feeling what seems like injustice am I simply unaware of how much worse it could be? What use does comparing ourselves do but give us anxiety and misguided concern?

This week I feel feels I feel are confused… but confused doesn’t even seem like the right word. I am happy to work here and learn new things about administration and working with students, that must be made clear. I just also cannot stop thinking about how the things in life are or aren’t connected.