Pre-Thanksgivingtime Ponderings

I am becoming slightly more comfortable with feeling too directive. I see how right now—in what feels like the season of BUSCOM [insert something here] letters—the demand calls for a certain kind of consulting. There seem to be very few ways to be questioning in nondirective ways when the text in between a writer and I is 200 words in strict format. I tried, with a BUSCOM proposal (instead of a letter, woot!) to ask some questions and the student just bluntly but kindly told me he didn’t need that work and that he wanted grammar edits before it was due in an hour. In that moment I realized that a consultant appropriately finds and offers what the writer needs, and may suggest more—but that suggestion or advice may not be taken.

It has been fun to continue consultations and muse over the ways that it is both familiar and foreign. Before it all started I was able to tell myself not to stress out because it was a little like teaching, in the beginning I felt very teacher in the directive nature of many consultations, and now I am just along for the ride. Especially considering our admin meeting conversations about the culture of the 303/503 course, I have always seen the need for such a place of discussion, encountering and contacting essential material, and problem solving what we do in the writing center… but now I am even more thankful of it. Consulting is a never-ending parade of new and different people and writers, situations, variables, and consultations—just like you have continued to tell us. Discovering this to be true myself has been fun and engaging. I see the ways I think about and teach writing evolving, and even though it is a little nerve-wracking to shake up something that has been so constant for me it is so necessary.

So my class and I had a Halloween party today and I regret none of it. I did some necessary lecturing and then we played a kahoot.it game while eating their fantastic baking and snacks. My costume for the party was a wizard trying to pass as a muggle and then I subbed for Skyler’s class in those odd clothes. By the time the morning teaching was over I was exhausted, went home, and fell asleep until right before the admin meeting—which was why I was several minutes late (sorry). But then I realized, sitting in that meeting today still groggy, that I couldn’t imagine being anywhere but there with that group of people trying to solve the world’s problems. I feel this way a lot when I get to sit down with all of the second year cohort and we are doing silly things—just a deep and grateful sense of finding the right place, people, and time.

Because the writing center is filled with all of the best people. I never feel uncomfortable asking questions or telling stories or just hanging out. On Thursday Ryenne and I were talking about discourse community analysis papers and I learned that she was the student of Madison’s that was friends with the student of mine who argued over which of us (Madison or I) to take for 102… but ultimately they couldn’t take it together because they refused to choose which of us was better. It was the funniest, cutest conversation and of course it’s one that happened because we both ended up at the writing center. I am just getting Thanksgiving-y before it’s allowed to be Thanksgiving time and really so thankful of and for all the people and events that brought me to Boise State.

I know that the work is hard, and that sexism sucks, and that we as women who plan to lead in some way have an uphill battle, but I cannot wait to learn as much as I can from my peers, the staff, you, and the writers. When everyone else was involved at the writing center I wanted to be involved so I could understand this allegiance to a place I had never entered before—I wanted to see why Madison ruled out any doctoral programs that didn’t have a great writing center. I am now beginning to understand why.

Connections for Dummies ©

The beginning of my journal for this week is brought to you by Nicole’s brain thinking about the multimodal unit and last weekend’s adventure into six out of the eight Harry Potter movies: “the most iconic reject of the century”.

I forgot that even though I type these in Word (just in case Blogger crashes) that eventually the journal exists in an online platform—and therefore warrants links and memes and fun things like that. So as I consider potential paper topics I found myself thinking about connections and meaning making while scrolling through Facebook, and found that video. I spiraled into a hole about Harry Potter quotes that could drive my discussion of paper topics and found this on BuzzFeed.

I mean, how can you deny, “words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic”? (Note: this was such a good quote I wanted to know where it came from and got different answers everywhere… so I am going to hope that lack of attribution in this space is okay) Words are magical to me, as they are a method of communication and connection, making meaning, and bringing people together (#whyiwrite).

—But anyway, to paper topics. As I was laughing at that video I was transported back to the parts of Harry Potter (and, arguably my life in general) that I found most moving, and at the heart of all of those things it is human connection. This—connection—is currently the “thread” for my portfolio, and I want to think about how this plays out in the writing center. As a space that is known, in whatever many capacities, to be “homey” and at the same time potentially nerve-wracking how do we forge connections in such a contentious place?

To think more about this I want to consider my consultation with Ryenne this past week. After looking at my schedule and seeing her I thought that she might have chosen me to work with me. This was confirmed in class and my heart was happy and my brain was nervous to live up to an expectation she seemed to have of me. The consultation was lovely and we did a lot of really great processing and expansion brainstorming. I know that we have a preexisting relationship as peers and consultants and all sorts of other things, but how could I potentially find a similar comfort with a random student? I am confident that this question has been asked since the emergence of writing centers, but I also know that no definitive answer has yet to be decided? (There is a lot of end-of-sentence inflection here)

And I find myself back at this goal I have of wanting to create a “how to create a cohort” manual-type thing for my portfolio. Because the second year rhet/comp cohort that dominates most of the WC GAships has been so successful and tight night I am curious to look into why or how that was possible. I wonder if a similar sort of work could be done in the writing center? Either for consultant-writer or mentor-mentee or GA-GA?

So now I leave you with all of these questions and looking forward to the 503 meeting time and our one-on-one meeting (if those don’t get rolled into one?) to discuss this more. Until then, this is me:

Feels-ings About All of the Things

This was a tough week. The eighth week felt like it would go smoothly for me, I am on top of my work, and feel fairly at home in consulting, and then I got sick. I am sorry for missing my Tuesday and Thursday shifts. I realized that there is still a lot I have to learn about the writing center, like getting coverage and typical procedure for sickness, etc. My cohort members are extremely helpful, but they also just do the things for me and I have to learn what to do too.

With that aside the shift on Wednesday that I completed had a no show and no one else scheduled with me, so I don’t actually have any consultations to reflect on for this week. I look forward to continuing to figure out how grammar and directive/nondirective consulting works, but the readings about multilingual students this week has been lovely. Again, the readings were filled with helpful strategies and skills for both multi and monolingual students. It was nice to read texts that reinforced the things I started to do last week, and also nice to not be surprised by the myths in “Working with ESL Writers.” I agree with and understand all of the readings.

I am still working on how all of this factors into the 503 readings and conversations. So far the writing center has been nothing but good to me, and the students of Boise State. I am familiar with the day-to-day welcoming students into the center to sit down and make appointments, but I know I am not familiar with the behind the scenes things. You gave me a glimpse into the politics of our own writing center, but as I consider Madison planning on working in them and me wanting to during PhDs too I know how much more there is left to learn. I want to know the things so I can maintain positive writing centers in the future, in whatever capacity I am allowed to.

Being sick always brings out the misery in me. I was sick so much of last semester and being sick now makes me fear that it is related or that I will just stay sick again. It reminds me of how humans don’t always have a grasp of what is “normal” for them until it isn’t anymore. Somehow I find these ramblings related to privilege and race and the positioning of student support networks. I think about my goals and the future and past, and the field in English and English in the university and the university in the world. Everything is so subjective; I do not know how to talk about these places I exist in without talking about position and privilege. Also somehow this feels related to writing centers and North saying how slighted writing centers are and then that 503 reading saying we actually are capable and doing okay. Where do we find truth in all of this? With students in consultations, with departmental tensions, with administrators? I think that last thing I wrote is an intentional fragment, but cold medicine makes me foggy.

What all of these words can boil down to is I don’t know how to think about the things I know—or think I know. In feeling what seems like injustice am I simply unaware of how much worse it could be? What use does comparing ourselves do but give us anxiety and misguided concern?

This week I feel feels I feel are confused… but confused doesn’t even seem like the right word. I am happy to work here and learn new things about administration and working with students, that must be made clear. I just also cannot stop thinking about how the things in life are or aren’t connected.

Consultations, Catching Up, and Charms (Alliteration Always)

This first week I was able to have four consultations! I am thankful to have gotten these because I definitely sense that each consultation helps ease anxiety and increase comfortability.

I was, however, surprised by how I handled the consultations… A majority of the literature we have been reading speaks to the nondirective approach. I felt as though I aligned well enough with this approach because I believe asking questions is oftentimes a more effective way of exploration and discovery for writing (as opposed to me spewing information at students). Each of the consultations I had were for final drafts and asked exclusively for polishing and grammar-type things. I also found that in each of these consultations I found myself slipping accidentally into a more directive teacher-esque role. During these interactions I was aware of how directive I was being, but didn’t know any other way to function within the final draft giving students what they asked for constraints. My hope is that with these restraints removed I find a better balance in between directive and nondirective, as well as lose the “teacher.”

Whether or not I shift without the constraints is something I do not yet know. I will likely agonize a little about all of this until I get a chance to try working drafts, but my concern is actually in what has already happened: how do I consult grammar without falling into the “tutor” or “teacher” role/power dynamic? I understand that when students ask for grammar help they expect those roles to develop, but I want students to question and learn and actually understand what we talk about. As you saw in my confused “what do I want and need” crisis with Skyler on Thursday, I panicked when consulting because my brain was all of a sudden caught up in the dynamics and factors:

1. Not wanting to be too directive.

2. Not wanting to be excessively nondirective.

3. Wanting to help the student understand.

4. Realizing I didn’t know how to identify the words or articulate the errors.

5. Panic all over again and feeling imposter syndrome towards the ability to consult with students because I can’t explain the things I innately know.

6. Not wanting to fail the student.

7. Thinking throughout all of this “how do I explain this?”

8. On and on in cyclical ways…

So I am interested in figuring out two things: how to consult with students about grammar in meaningful ways and specifically what else I need to know to help me help students with grammar-type things. I know from the outside that it seems like fixation on grammar but it comes from good places. I want to know for me and for students now and in the future. I want to improve my own grammar skills and writing. I am so insanely excited for you to look at our writing for that first formal writing (even though I am a little nervous because I know there is so much to improve on). There is so much I want to do in and with writing and rhetoric. The want to learn as much about grammar as possible is me wanting to take advantage of the wonderful people and great resources while I can so that instead of continuing to improve slowly and/or struggling on my own I learn a lot and take it with me to grow in better, more productive ways.

It all just feels so connected and I have gone so long not knowing so much. And I thought this week’s journal might be a little less about feels than the others but I was wrong—so many feels. I’ve been insecure for so long and now that I unveiled my hidden secrets I want to explore them…

In other non-school (but still reading-related, because what else do I do with my life?) activities I have a weekend long pass to the Harry Potter re-screenings at Edwards this upcoming weekend and I am so excited and have already begun planning outfits! Huzzah!

The Pedagogy of Awkwardness Meets Writing Center

Next week is the first week we are all officially on the schedule and I am excited and nervous and it feels like the first day of school all over again during the seventh week. I feel equipped with the past few weeks’ readings, in particular: “What Tutoring Is: Models and Strategies,” “Motivational Scaffolding, Politeness, and Writing Center Tutoring,” “The First Five Minutes…,” and “Tutoring in Unfamiliar Subjects.” My biggest concerns are with myself: inability to hear students properly, and to be so ignorant to an unfamiliar subject that I am not helpful. The past two weeks have given me concrete strategies for working with all students, and Greiner’s text was especially helpful for what to do if I personally don’t know what a student is writing about.

I look forward to the next two weeks of reading about ELL students. Selfishly, I look forward to seeing how these readings do or don’t connect with the TEFL course I am taking. I also hope to find more strategies like Greiner’s piece that are applicable not just to one set of unfamiliar texts or a group of students, but all consulting.

As I gear up this weekend to be on the schedule come Tuesday, I am reflecting on the ways that teaching and consulting are similar and different or can aid one another. To assuage nerves I remind myself that working one on one with students are similar enough to conferencing or students visiting during office hours. Once nerves are lifted I become excited to be a peer instead of teacher in consultations. I know there are power dynamics that everyone within writing centers are trying to name and maybe redefine, but I am relieved from feeling the power dynamic between student and teacher. In a consultation I can make suggestions, work through sections, and help writers… and they do not feel required to make those changes. It feels like the conversation we had between tutoring and consulting. In tutoring or teaching a student may feel obligated to take suggestions because the dynamic is one of all knowing teacher or person-I-am-going-to-because-I-need-help tutor. Consulting is freeing in a way I may not have experienced yet in working with other people and writing. Again, I understand that there are dynamics I have not yet experienced or read yet, but it is these feelings of odd giddy excitement that carry me into next week.

I will not, however, forget the essential skills that teaching has taught me. One of those skills the cohort and I like to call “the pedagogy of awkwardness” and it is characterized by not feeling like I have to fill silences, being unapologetically quirky, and getting geekily excited about almost anything. I also have been known to “I don’t know what to do with my arms” or things of the like… but I hope those don’t happen in a consultation because I will be sitting with the writer instead of in front of a classroom filled with humored eyes. I also generally have confidence in my ability to articulate a majority of writing-related things, and—again—plan to wed these skills with those we have read about.

This is my shortest journal to-date, but expect next week’s to be crazy and filled with all the feels. Punctuation cage fight was amazing and I also cannot wait for next Grammar Thursday… and who thought that is something I would ever say?! Have a great weekend!